


This is How I Disappear

by Bookwormscififan



Series: Sanders Sides x Black Parade [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, MCR, Negative Self Talk, Swearing, The Black Parade, my chemical romance - Freeform, negative mental health, this is how i disappear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookwormscififan/pseuds/Bookwormscififan
Summary: Virgil has a major crisis, and Patton doesn't know how to help.
Series: Sanders Sides x Black Parade [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887901
Kudos: 6





	This is How I Disappear

_To un-explain the unforgivable  
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show  
  
_Pacing the same hallway as always, Virgil closed his eyes and shook his head against thoughts he desperately wanted to ignore. Memories of times when he made Thomas so anxious replayed in his mind, forcing tears to his eyes.

On the floor in front of him, the cloak from Halloween lay spread. Had he forgotten to put that away? Had he entertained everyone enough?

Was he good enough?

_By streetlight this dark night  
A séance down below  
There're things that I have done  
You never should ever know_

The house was silent. Nobody ever went into his room, so his corner of Thomas’ mind was always silent. The lights were out, and he could hear the ticking clock downstairs.

Tonight, everything was wrong. He had made the admission, but it hadn’t made any effect on anything. How else could he make Thomas understand?

_And without you is how I disappear  
And live my life alone forever now  
And without you is how I disappear  
And live my life alone forever now_

Closing the door behind him, Virgil walked to his bed and sat on it, pulling his hood over his head and falling backwards. He stared at the ceiling, watching as the rest of the room dissolved out of his vision.

He quite enjoyed being on his own. There was nobody he could offend.

_Who walks among the famous living dead  
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed  
And if you could talk to me  
Tell me if it's so  
That all the good girls go to heaven  
Well, heaven knows_

Hours had passed, and Virgil skulked down the stairs toward the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Hood still on and lights turned down, he was almost invisible.

Patton rose up in Virgil’s room, disheartened to see nobody there. Maybe he had missed the anxious side because he was nowhere to be seen.

_That without you is how I disappear  
And live my life alone forever now  
And without you is how I disappear  
And live my life alone forever now_

Patton returned to his room, head bowed and eyes dark. He sat on the sofa, pulling his cat hood over his head and curling into a ball.

Slowly he rocked forward, fighting against tears. Resting his elbows onto his knees, he held his head in his hands and began to cry. He had gone into Virgil’s room to talk to him about his admission, but when he found nobody there, a feeling of intense hopelessness had washed over him.

_Can you hear me cry out to you?  
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out  
I'm really not so with you anymore  
I'm just a ghost  
So I can't hurt you anymore  
So I can't hurt you anymore_

The lights flickered as Virgil clasped his hands over his ears, screaming into the void. His voice was a mix of anger, pain, and guilt, and it shook the walls in his room.

He felt invisible, as though he was constantly being ignored. His voice sounded to him like he was screaming underwater. If he was here, maybe he wouldn’t be able to meddle with Thomas’ ambitions.

_And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?  
Let me go, fuck  
So, you can, well now so, you can  
I'm so far away from you  
Well now so, you can_

_And without you is how I disappear  
And without you is how I disappear  
Whoa whoa (and without you is how I disappear)  
Whoa whoa (and without you, is how, is how, is how)  
Forever, forever now_

Virgil’s note to Patton was found in the pocket of his old hoodie the day that Patton decided to wash it. Tiny, cramped handwriting filled the page, outlining why Virgil decided staying away from everyone was a good idea.

Patton rushed into Virgil’s room, wrapping his arms around the troubled Side and whispering comforting words into his ear.

“I’m here, don’t leave, stay, I’ll take care of you. Please, stay here.” Virgil’s arms slowly wound their way around Patton’s torso, gripping his shirt tightly as he cried into Patton’s cat hoodie.

“I can’t… I can’t be helpful… I just ruin everything…” Patton didn’t answer, he just held Virgil tighter and let the anxious Side vent his feelings.


End file.
